A Privilege From Tragedy To Treasure

Adoption Perspectives From Tragedy To Treasure

An Adoption Perspective from an Adoptive Mom

“A child born to another woman calls me mom.

The depth of the tragedy and the magnitude of the privilege are not lost on me.”
-Jody Landers, Blogger: Love What Matters

Every single day since I became an adoptive mom, I have lived these words.

There was a time for many years when I questioned if I would ever hear a child call me mom. I now wonder, how is it that somehow through all of life’s twists and turns for all involved, I became the mother of two beautiful human beings born to other women? The privilege of being an adoptive parent is immeasurable. The privilege of being the mom of my two now young adult children can’t be overstated.

Raising my children was like playing darts blindfolded with the self-imposed expectation of needing to hit the bullseye with each and every throw. In adoption and foster care, there’s no genetic blueprint to follow or recognize. Many times, there’s little to no known family history to hang onto. And there are no family elders to consult with who know about raising adopted/foster children. It’s very common for there to be a mismatch in personalities, activity levels, interests, strengths, and needs between adoptive/foster parents and their adopted/foster children.

With that said, every day can be seen as a new adventure of embracing our child’s personality, strengths, and needs given what they show us, while we fall more in love with them day in and day out for being their unique beautiful selves.

My son, as a little boy, was the loudest, most talkative, enthusiastic, and active child in his elementary school classes. As he would leave home to run to catch the bus every morning, I would yell after him, “Remember, honey, to use your superpowers for good, not evil!” He would turn around, laugh, and shine his big contagious smile in my direction and say, “No way, Mom, Never!!!” I remember these every day moments as the ones that would take my breath away. I would be filled with gratitude and love as I watched him confidently board the bus to start yet another school day of lighting up his classroom with his magnetic and charming personality while challenging his teachers. And I would wonder, How is it that I was given this privilege, this gift like no other, to be his mother?

The fact is, my son did not get his charisma from me or his father. He didn’t get his mischievous, active, fun-loving, and zealous personality from us, nor his dashing good looks. I would tuck him into bed each night and look into his big brown eyes, and I would see his first mother there in his soul, in his adorable little face, in his personality, and in his zealous spirit. How could I not see her? She was and continues to be there in his genetic make-up, history, and ancestry, and in her selfless act of his placement. No lack of resources or any difficulties she faced before, during, or after making his adoption plan could ever take away from what she has given my son.

I know deeply that it was only as a result of my children’s first mothers’ misfortune, their heartache, and their sacrifice that I received the greatest gift of all. I also know deeply that my children suffered a tremendous loss and trauma as a result of being separated from their first mothers at birth. And I recognize from personal experience what loss feels like, as a result of the many and repeated years of failed infertility treatments, before making the life altering decision to adopt.

With the loss and tragedy suffered by all of us involved came the treasure of being my children’s mom, a privilege that will never be lost on me.

There is no wonder that I will forever think about my children’s first mothers with a heart filled with love and gratitude, and with the knowledge and understanding that they are every bit my children’s mothers too.

Shaping Journeys Text
Patricia Jones signature

Coming Out Of The Fog

Coming out of the adoption fog
Coming to terms with my adoption

I first learned about the term “coming out of the fog” when doing some prep work for a presentation a few years ago on core issues in adoption. The phrase refers to adoptees coming to terms with feelings and realizations in regards to adoption. Many times this increase in awareness may not fit the mold society, and in many cases those that adoptive families have constructed for adoptees.

For me personally, as an adoptee, I came out of the fog in my early twenties. As I was pursuing my career as a clinical social worker and learning about trauma and it’s lasting impacts in the brain and body, it all just clicked. The flood gates opened and my perspective of my adoption, something I had always viewed positively and as something that made me unique or special suddenly became unraveled. It was as if I had to set a reboot button and relearn everything in order to live and breathe this new reality I was just coming to terms with. I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. There are days when it hits me more than others—days where I am grieving—days when I’m angry, but that is my truth as an adoptee. That truth that we hold as adoptees/individuals in foster care deserves validation, not simply a sugar coated response to shoo away the pain. This is where I hope to make an impact. I strive to shed light on these issues for the entire community of adoption and foster care, from the individuals who live it, and to their families and the professionals who help them.

I recently came across a social media post about adoption education that stated, “Who are you listening to? You can’t process only the information which makes you most comfortable.” As more of us come out of this fog and come to terms with our uncomfortable feelings, society as a whole must come out of the fog, too. Come to terms with the fact that there are uncomfortable parts of adoption and foster care, and shedding light on that doesn’t make us negative or angry—it makes us honest.

More information “coming out of the fog”

  1. Six things I’ve learned since coming out of the adoption fog. [Blog – London, UK]
  2. 49 [Healing Series] Coming out of the Fog with Lesli A. Johnson, MFT [Show Audio]
  3. Out of the Fog News [Podcast]

My sincere hope is that we can work to break the mold that has been created by society about any individual who has been separated from their biological family, whether it be through foster care or adoption, because the reality is—it’s complicated. Healing from this type of trauma is a life long journey, but it is not a process that adoptees or those in foster care should have to manage alone.

Our goal at Adoption Perspectives is to help individuals, families and society as a whole realize that coming out of the fog is really coming into the truth.

Shaping Journeys Text

We Met Our Match And We Are Stronger For It

Patricia and Marcella A MatchWhy Adoption Perspectives Is The Match For You

A perfect match does not come from identical opinions or similar experiences. A real, honest match comes from challenging each other, learning from each other, valuing experiences and sharing life. This match at Adoption Perspectives, LLC is genuinely committed to you—personal or professional—so that we may strengthen each other.

Adoption Perspectives, LLC has just officially been announced to the public, and we could not be more excited to start this journey of working with those touched personally or professionally by adoption/foster care. We are Patricia Jones and Marcella Moslow, co- founders of Adoption Perspectives, LLC. Patricia is an adoptive mom, a psychotherapy private practitioner and a consultant in the Western New York Community. Marcella is an adoptee and trauma and play therapist in Buffalo, New York.

We were inspired to join together to bring our education and consulting services to those impacted by adoption and foster care, recognizing the need for increased understanding and compassion in this area. Our passion for working with adoptive and foster families brought us together, and after many months of work and planning, our dream to bring Adoption Perspectives, LLC to the community has finally been realized!

Those who know both of us well will tell you that we really can’t be more different from one another. Along our journey to create Adoption Perspectives LLC, we became ever more aware of those differences. Patricia is an optimist to a fault; Marcella much more of a realist. Patricia, a seasoned psychotherapy professional with many years of experience; Marcella, a young professional trained in the latest and most effective research-based practices. Patricia, white; Marcella, a woman of color. Patricia, an adoptive parent; Marcella an adoptee. Patricia drives a bright yellow vehicle; Marcella’s car is black. Patricia sees things in a whole picture sort of way; Marcella is organized and detailed oriented. You get the point.

Yet, when we think of one another, and what brought us together, the thing we find more striking than our differences is our shared passion about working with adoptive/foster families. We are equally persistent and strong in our views, equally enthusiastic to consult and educate, equally moved by the stories we hear, equally driven and dedicated to making a difference in the lives of adoptive/foster families. And, now that it’s official, we are equally and ever grateful for the opportunity to begin offering our services to you (Educational Workshops, Professional Training, and Consulting), acknowledging our different perspectives and knowing that they only make us stronger as we take on this journey together.

Shaping Journeys

Co-founders Adoption Perspectives

Preview of Adoption Perspectives LLC

Adoption Perspectives LLC Post

[From left to right] Marcella Moslow, Patricia Jones

Shaping journeys begins with a preview of our unique company

There’s something very exciting about launching a new company.  Creating the look and feel, formulating strategy, planning events, and getting goosebumps as you get to see the preview of the finished product(s) that emphasize your unique position as you bring your service closer to the general public.  Adoption Perspectives, LLC website is functional and live, and we plan to meet our scheduled launch date, November 1, 2019, National Adoption Awareness Month.

This article previews our services and a couple upcoming events, as well as teases at upcoming blog(s), newsletter, and intentions to have a podcast as soon as possible.

Adoption Perspectives LLC provides the following on adoption and/or foster care:
  • Education:  Comprehensive workshops for parents, children,  and family members to learn, express, and help prepare.
  • Training:  Series of seminars for professional individuals linked to adoption and/or foster care (ie: agencies, social workers)
  • Resources:  Carefully selected material that can come from articles, biographies, blogs and more, surrounding adoption + foster care topics.
  • Consulting:  We provide consultation services to meet all levels of organizational needs.

Our journey is unique as is our passion for the subject matter.  Families of adoption and/or foster care and those close to them deserve a change in the narrative. They deserve committed advocates that have first-hand knowledge and experience, as well as the professional background(s) to provide honest feedback and insight.  Agencies and their personnel providing services in areas related to adoption and/or foster care also deserve a new perspective, and more educational tools to maximize their positive impact on those seeking their assistance.

Thank you for visiting our site, and we look forward to sharing so much with you.

Shaping journeys,
Patricia Jones + Marcella Moslow