Coming to terms with my adoption
I first learned about the term “coming out of the fog” when doing some prep work for a presentation a few years ago on core issues in adoption. The phrase refers to adoptees coming to terms with feelings and realizations in regards to adoption. Many times this increase in awareness may not fit the mold society, and in many cases those that adoptive families have constructed for adoptees.
For me personally, as an adoptee, I came out of the fog in my early twenties. As I was pursuing my career as a clinical social worker and learning about trauma and it’s lasting impacts in the brain and body, it all just clicked. The flood gates opened and my perspective of my adoption, something I had always viewed positively and as something that made me unique or special suddenly became unraveled. It was as if I had to set a reboot button and relearn everything in order to live and breathe this new reality I was just coming to terms with. I’m not going to lie, it’s hard. There are days when it hits me more than others—days where I am grieving—days when I’m angry, but that is my truth as an adoptee. That truth that we hold as adoptees/individuals in foster care deserves validation, not simply a sugar coated response to shoo away the pain. This is where I hope to make an impact. I strive to shed light on these issues for the entire community of adoption and foster care, from the individuals who live it, and to their families and the professionals who help them.
I recently came across a social media post about adoption education that stated, “Who are you listening to? You can’t process only the information which makes you most comfortable.” As more of us come out of this fog and come to terms with our uncomfortable feelings, society as a whole must come out of the fog, too. Come to terms with the fact that there are uncomfortable parts of adoption and foster care, and shedding light on that doesn’t make us negative or angry—it makes us honest.
More information “coming out of the fog”
- Six things I’ve learned since coming out of the adoption fog. [Blog – London, UK]
- 49 [Healing Series] Coming out of the Fog with Lesli A. Johnson, MFT [Show Audio]
- Out of the Fog News [Podcast]
My sincere hope is that we can work to break the mold that has been created by society about any individual who has been separated from their biological family, whether it be through foster care or adoption, because the reality is—it’s complicated. Healing from this type of trauma is a life long journey, but it is not a process that adoptees or those in foster care should have to manage alone.
Our goal at Adoption Perspectives is to help individuals, families and society as a whole realize that coming out of the fog is really coming into the truth.